i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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