just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
