The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize