WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
