Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
