Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
