I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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