I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
