Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
