Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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