You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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