How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How does it feel to date your dad?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
