I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He felt like a one man threesome
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
