omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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