You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
