i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
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I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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