I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
