who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
