I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
