Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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