i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
