I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
