Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
