I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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