We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
