yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
