You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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