Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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