Umm I'm too high to move.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
