Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
