hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
