meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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