my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
