Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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