He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
