K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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