New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize