i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
