I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
