I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
FUCK WHALES
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
