I CAN MOONWALK!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
