I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
