ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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