GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
