I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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