She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
sex in a hospital.. check
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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