Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
