i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
