What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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