Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
