i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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