Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
