Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
