hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
