Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
