VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
