im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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