Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
