Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
