Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
