I look better un-naked...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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