I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
NoShamevember. You game?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have already put on my inside pants.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
