i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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