Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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