The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
