there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
