are you still at the devil's house?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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