if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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