omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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