I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
