thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
