No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
